Corporate Speak Cheat Sheet
This is a bit of a departure from my usual kind of writing, but I kinda wanna have fun with this. Maybe we could make something like Urban Dictionary but for corporate terms.
This list is by no means comprehensive. There are also several different definitions for each of the stated terms.
As previously stated: Did you even read what I wrote?!
Competitive salary: Not a competitive salary.
Feel free to reach out: I hope you don’t reach out.
Hi: I need something from you, but for whatever reason, I didn’t deem it necessary to tell you in my first message, so I’m going to make you ask me what I need.
I’ll get back to you on that: Absolutely not.
I’m concerned about X: X is probably a serious problem.
If you aren’t on mute, we can hear you: I heard something I wish I didn’t.
If you’re on mute, we can’t hear you: I need a response from you.
Organizational restructuring: Layoffs are coming and those people’s job duties will fall onto the remaining individuals.
Right: I know that already.
Let’s see if <person> knows: I have no clue how to help you.
That’s not in my wheelhouse: I don’t know what that’s about and it’s not my job.
This is a safe space: I personally feel comfortable with you sharing whatever, but that’s not necessarily true of the others here.
To add color to that statement: You forgot to mention some key details.
We work hard and play hard: We work long hours. Your coworkers might be cool people.
